Why so salty about your body? Therapy in session.
Admit it, there are times someone makes a comment about your extra and a wave of anger or offense ripples over you. Whether it’s said jokingly or as a general comment there’s something that just sets you off. Why is that? Does the reality of our physical complexion warrant anger? And if it does, what/whom do we direct the anger to and why? Is it at the body itself, ourselves, or a combination of both? Let us explore this a bit.
The difficulty of why
It’s not easy to look in the mirror past the physical and into the psychological. Asking ourselves the hard questions is tough because human brains have a pretty high opinion of themselves.
“But Vanessa, if my brain has such a high opinion of myself then why is my self-esteem so low?”
Good question. Well, consider the question ‘WHY is my self-esteem so low?’ Is it easy for you to accept that you’re the one causing it? Or is it easier for you to accept that society (something external) is causing it?
“That’s ridiculous! We all know that modern society has been shaped from an unachievable goal of perfection how could I be causing it?”
Yes, that’s true. I wont take that away from anyone. Society, particularly western society, has been playing the “thin, white, and tall” card for way too long. However, is it safe to say that we chose to believe them?
Isolate if you will, a specific part of your body that you HATE. A roll on your back for example. Now ask yourself why you hate it. Look in the mirror if you have to. Grab it. Analyze it. Tell me, why do you hate it?
“Because it’s rolley. It’s not smooth. And protrudes from my back. I can’t wear certain clothes… “
Who told you that story?
“society- my spouse- my family…”
And do you believe they’re correct?
Coming to the realization
It’s hard to accept that we subconsciously believe other peoples narratives of us and they become our truth. Above all, the thought of keeping those narratives after realizing they’re foreign should be even more disturbing. In short, any anger or offense we experience after a comment is made about our bodies is a result of someone else’s narrative. Why? Because our brains have a high opinion of themselves.
We don’t want to think we’re inferior- and we shouldn’t! Not ever. So when we get the “your tummy is so squishy” comment, anger or discomfort shouldn’t be the feelings we feel.
“How do I stop it from happening then?”
Take back what’s yours. Redefine what your body is to YOU. Take into consideration all it has been through. Everything it has done and continues to do for you should be right at the surface. In other words, always remember to be grateful for how you were formed. There’s wisdom behind you being you.
Get in front of that mirror and fall in love with your body from your perspective. Do so until there is absolutely nothing in the way of you being content with your existence just the way you are. The next time you’re hit with a “your thighs are so big” comment, make sure you respond with a happy smile and retort:
“Big and fabulous sweety, big and fabulous”